So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
