i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
