i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
