so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
