I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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