he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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