just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
