Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
