she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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