nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
