He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
