Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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