shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
