I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
