handjob tips. give me some.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
