we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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