If i come over, it means nothing
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
