I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize