Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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