He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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