I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
