i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
