so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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