You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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