just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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