Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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