Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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