sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
