He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
