is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Alive.
So much puke
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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