you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
