I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
