he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
