My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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