you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize