This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i have herpe
just one?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
