Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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