you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
