also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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