Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
