i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
