do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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