someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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