Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
