I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
