He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
