the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
