And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
