why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
