these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
