listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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