I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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