Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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