I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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