its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
