we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
