I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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