Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
