I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
soo... how was my night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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