Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
