May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
