I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
