I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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