Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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