She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
