Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
pray to the hookup gods
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
