You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
