I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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