This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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