Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
