singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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