Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's never too late to be topless.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
