I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
