There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
