32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
