I hate your face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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