Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
