Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
