im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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