She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
