They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
