I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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