I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
